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Relationships

When two people go out together because they are or want to be in a romantic relationship, this is often called dating. For many, dating is about finding someone you can be happy with. Keeping them... more
When two people go out together because they are or want to be in a romantic relationship, this is often called dating. For many, dating is about finding someone you can be happy with. Keeping them and yourself happy is key to a successful relationship.
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Questions and Answers

Lynda Martens
Lynda Martens
Marriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

Hi Montgomery, Your first sentence says it all. He might be an amazing person, but there's something missing for you. I'm curious...you say this is a long distance relationship. Did you make a connection through social media or email first? Maybe a dating website? I'm just wondering if this is the... more

Jessica Fealk, MA, LPC
Jessica Fealk, MA, LPC
www.dalycounseling.com (Michigan)

It may not feel like it, but you are in a great spot! You know what is holding you back! It sounds like you want to deal with your past and find healing, so you can move forward in freedom. Trauma is life-altering and at any age, especially when we are young. Meeting with a counselor who works... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPC
Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor

I'm going to second that it is completely brave of you to share something you kept hidden for over 30 years. That's a HUGE deal!Something awesome about the brain is that it can learn at any time in the human lifespan. No matter how long you have dealt with the affects of trauma, your brain has... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Ashton Sullivan
Ashton Sullivan
Dialectical Behavior Therapy and EMDR

I'm so sorry that you have been haunted by the past for so long. It must have been incredibly difficult to open up about something so dark and vulnerable. But by shedding light on it you have already taken the first step toward healing. Trauma can wreak havoc on relationships if it isn't healed... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Dr. Meredyth Lawrynce
Dr. Meredyth Lawrynce
Serving Clients Nationwide

How does holding on to this serve you? Not becoming married to the trauma will be key. Recreating your life and what that means, what you want it to be. Considering who you would be, what would life be like had this not occurred, not letting it usurp your life. Take your power back. Releasing any... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Lynda Martens
Lynda Martens
Marriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

Hi Cerritos,This is an interesting twist because it's more common for the person in your position to want to move forward, and for the person who was wronged to struggle with forgiveness. You are lucky to have a loving, compassionate partner, and your boyfriend is lucky to have a partner who takes... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW
Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW
Social Worker, Psychotherapist

I am sorry to hear of your relationship struggles. One thing I wonder is did you volunteer the information about your past or is this something that he asked about? In the future, it is probably best to leave details out of conversations like this. I think it is common and natural for partners to... more

Rebecca Wong
Rebecca Wong
Relationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant

Some people simply talk to themselves as a way of processing information. Have you checked in with your husband about this in a non-accusatory way? Something like "Hey babe (or whatever sweet name you typically use), I'm so curious what that's all about? Do you notice that you are talking out loud... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Mayra Vasquez, LMFTA
Mayra Vasquez, LMFTA
Individual, Couple, & Family Therapist

How can I learn to be content and at peace?I recently broke up with my boyfriend After being together for over 4 years. I truly believe I did the right thing, but omehow being single now has made me very needy and unsure of myself.I am seeing someone casually and I am losing my mind with anxiety... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Gayle Weill
Gayle Weill
Specializing in relationships and parenting - additional certifications in Child-parent psychotherapy, Circle of Security-Parenting program, adoption competency, hypnosis, and EMDR

Seeing your boyfriend hitting his face sounds very scary! Sometimes when people are experiencing strong emotions the emotional pain becomes so overwhelming that they try to relieve the emotional pain by causing themselves physical pain. It is a dysfunctional way of calming themselves down. I don’t... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.