Alzheimer
Alzheimer's

Relationships will change for those who have Alzheimer's as well as for the people with whom they're involved. The disease dissolves the usual ways of communicating and being together.
Relationships will change for those who have Alzheimer's as well as for the people with whom they're involved. The disease dissolves the usual ways of communicating and being together.
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Questions and Answers

No matter what I do, my mom will almost always find something wrong with it

Mirella Caro-Cortes
Mirella Caro-Cortes
Helping Families & Marriages Repair, Recover & Thrive

It is challenging to see one's parents age and to cope with the new demands. Your mom means a lot to you, and that is why you get easily frustrated. I'm guessing that it is not that she is making you do work or that her expectations are non-important to you because if that were the case, you would... more

Pamela Suraci
Pamela Suraci
Build on your strengths, grow in your challenge areas and improve your life!

There is some great advice here that can really help, but you need some direct support. Please find a caregiver support organization, a grief group and an individual therapist to help you during this trying time. Your mom may not know what she is saying, or mean the awful things she says, but that... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Eileen Moran
Eileen Moran
The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room. Alzheimer’s disease is one that robs that person of dignity and interaction with their loved ones. This is a question that I have heard over and over from many family members so, please, understand you are not alone with this one. Your mother’s agitation is part of the disease process for many people who have Alzheimer’s. I don’t know what your mother was like prior to the diagnosis or before she became symptomatic but imagine what it’s like to be told “you already had breakfast” or “that’s not how you fold the laundry”. In her mind, she is doing the right thing and now is being told she isn’t. Something that can be of an invaluable help for you (and other family members) is to seek out a support group. Most people feel they “don’t have time” or “no one could possibly understand”. There are many people out there with those same struggles who find comfort in talking to others who “get it”. The Alzheimer’s Association as well as Alzheimer’s Foundation are wonderful organizations who can put you in touch with such groups.
Meg McKeon
Meg McKeon

It is very difficult to move from being the child to be the care giver as in your situation. Your mother's behavior as you describe it is a part of this disease. As the disease progresses and she is less aware of the present including her surroundings and who she is speaking to. Your response of... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Amanda Babineau-LaRose
Amanda Babineau-LaRose
Counseling related to depression, anxiety, aging, grief and loss, medical illness, and adjustment to changes across the lifespan.

When you feel the frustration and anger building inside you have that be a trigger for you to remember a feeling that you want to experience instead of anger, frustration and guilt, for example understanding. Then say that word to yourself as you take deep breaths. But know that this is normal for... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Melissa Burton
Melissa Burton
Counseling for Life Transitions

Let me first say that I am sorry you are going through this. Yes, this is a symptom of an ugly disease, but that does not make experiencing it any easier. If your mother was a sweet and understanding lady, I am sure this change in personality feels awful! On the other hand, if your relationship with... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Robin Ahlgren
Robin Ahlgren
Caregiving can pose many challenges

From your initial description, I would say that your mother is "Maloriented". In this stage of Alzheimer's individuals tend to be blaming and difficult to deal with. They may often hide or throw things away and then blame family members for this. In addition, if they are incontinent, they may blame... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Sherry Katz, LCSW
Sherry Katz, LCSW
Couples and Family Therapist, LCSW

Yes, certainly your mom's difficulty in having meaningful conversations with people results from the Alzheimer's disease process which weakens her brain function.Feeling a sense of guilt in relation to a parent, is pretty common for everyone.This is because as little kids and babies, we had a strong... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

How do I tell my elderly mother that I can’t stay for long visits?

Sherry Katz, LCSW
Sherry Katz, LCSW
Couples and Family Therapist, LCSW

Good observation on your part, to distinguish that your feelings in relation to your mom are not necessarily connected to the way she handles her part of the relation toward you.Has your mom usually ignored your opinions and wishes in relating to you?If prior to the onset of Alzheimer's, she never... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

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