Rovena Magidin, RTC

Relationships, intimacy, sexuality
Registered Therapeutic Counsellor
12 years in practice

Answers  (15)

Trust was broken. Boundaries were crossed. You two are trying to make it work - and it's possible, but it's going to take some time, and some serious work and commitment. It's impossible to know if it was an honest mistake and he forgot, or if it was a lie. You asked "should I be upset?" Chances... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

We can do a lot of work to recover from the betrayal trauma. We can heal - we are resilient and strong. We can forgive. We can move on and let go. We continue with our lives. And yet, we are human. It hurts, A LOT. Even after 20 years! We are designed to remember everything that caused us pain - in... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

This is such a good question, and there's lots to explore. This "empty" feeling - if you were to stay with it, not trying to change it, just trying to understand it better - what does it tell you? Are there thoughts that come with it? Fears/concerns? How does it feel in your body? Is that a familiar... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

Your first question - "why does he like it?" - only your husband can answer. Something about it works for him, making it exciting, fulfilling, playful, creative and fun. Some people are wired like this - and it's healthy, and normal and common. It's just that it's "different" and for people who are... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

This is often a tough conversation, and most try to avoid it. It's understandable, and yet, it's a good conversation to have. How else would you know what's going on? I would probably start not by expressing your frustration, but by asking him what's going on for him. Is he happy with once a month... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

Lots of reassurance! Starting small. If she is insecure - is there anything you (or the two of you) can do to help her feel more secure? Is there anything she does like or want that helps her feel less passive. Is her passivity a result of her insecurities - maybe exploring together would help? Lots... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

Are you two able to talk about it? Do you understand each other's reasons, wants, needs, hopes and fears? It's not about who's right or who's wrong. It's about really hearing each other. Before trying to solve this issue, do you both feel heard and understood by your partner? Does she understand... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

I'm sorry to hear you feel very alone. This is very hard. Many people find themselves drifting apart, and with years, resentments, upsets and pain grow bigger and bigger, intimacy and connection slowly disappears. Soon enough there's a huge gap, and we just don't know how to bridge it. I am an... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

There could be so many reasons and so many options to explore. What do you both want to experience? Are you able to talk about it? Do you need some good, solid information about sex and intimacy? Are you both satisfied? It is possible, and there are many successful sexless marriages. People might... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

It’s such a tough one. It’s possible that he did have a blackout and doesn’t remember. It’s possible that he remembers and feels so ashamed and guilty he doesn’t know how to tell you. It can be so painful for both of you. And, it can be an opportunity to grow your relationship even stronger. What... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

Thank you for this question. There could be so many reasons. It’s very possible that birth control has impacted your sex drive and desire. Talking to your doctor about it is very important. The goal would be to try and find birth control that works for you without impacting your sex drive. Are... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

Yes! If both people are willing to work on it, it’s very possible to heal and to move forward. It’s possible to create a relationship that’s even stronger than before. You’ll both grow through it and your communication and commitment to each other can reach a new level. It’s not an easy journey, but... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

This is such a good question. It’s not easy to answer not knowing the whole situation, but I’d start with a very simple formula. - ask when is a good time for him - ask him to listen to you - explain why it is important to you- tell him exactly what you need from him - just listen, offer... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

This is actually quite common. Our sexuality can be very fluid. We grow and change and our sexuality, our needs, wants and desires also change. Some people find themselves on one or the other side of the spectrum and are comfortable staying there. For some it changes - it could be a stage(very... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

Normal, healthy, healing. It’s courageous to show your true feelings. It’s vulnerable, it’s healing. It’s a release. Often people are able to let go for the first time. Maybe you have to feel strong outside of sessions, maybe it feels like it’s not ok to feel. In counselling, not only it’s ok, it’s... more

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.