Why can't I let myself trust my partner?

I've been with my partner for 4 years. She's given me no reason not to trust her. But lately I've been overreacting a lot when she's just doing normal things. I think it's triggering my bad past relationships.

How can I get rid of these insecurities and be more trusting with her?

Sherry Katz, LCSW
Sherry Katz, LCSW
Couples and Family Therapist, LCSW

Two paths are possible.

You're not overreacting and instead are genuinely sensing that something feels unsettled within your girlfriend.

You are overreacting because you have difficulty accepting how safe and loving your relationship is with this person.

The only way to find out is to start conversations with your girlfriend on how you feel.

This will allow new light to open an answer as to the truth.

Once you know what truly is going on between the two of you, your self-trust naturally will grow stronger. 

Self-trust will give you an accurate read of what and whom you are able to safely trust.

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Dr. Timothy Paul
Dr. Timothy Paul
'man'; Online - "Natural Health Consultant and Coach"
Remember that all relationships center around 3 simple values:

Honesty
Trust
and Respect...
...in that order, too...

If you are unable to trust, then you are fundamentally dishonest about something in yourself;

Moreover, whatever you do not honestly experience, you do not honestly express out to another;

To be honest with oneself is where most people fall down... and, when you do fall down, pick yourself up... and get back on the horse :)
If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call...  (more)If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room. All written by 'i': 'man'; is [My] Property;

What's most important is that you recognize that what you've been doing is off base - that what you've been feeling is "overreacting," that you have "insecurities," and you suspect your actions and reactions are connected to your own past and not to the current situation or to your partner. That's an excellent first step because without recognizing these things about yourself, it's unlikely that you would change.

That said, you sound as if you are really ready to start some therapy to work on your own personal growth... not because there is something "wrong" with you, but because you're ready to learn more about yourself and make some creative changes in your behavior. Yes, there are lots of self-help books and courses, but we humans often make the most progress when we have support in  real-time from another human being who can sit with us, point out our blind spots, and teach us some skills that are hard to learn on our own.

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

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