Should I move on from my ex-husband?

My husband and I are separated. He says he needs some time apart. He says he needs to get back the “in love” part of a relationship but doesn’t want to lose me. Should I wait or start over new?

Gina Guddat
Gina Guddat
Commit to Living Life Fully

It's not uncommon for relationships to go cold over time. It is a matter of one or the other becoming complacent. If you and your husband have been together for quite some time it's likely that you are very comfortable and familiar with each other. While this is a good thing in some ways, it can also become boring and you run the risk of losing that "in love" feeling he is referring to. Couples simply become ambivalent.

For some of the couples I work with in my practice, I find that helping to organize a time apart, which I call a "Therapeutic Separation" can do wonders for the relationship. I offer homework to be done during this time. Reading, worksheets and individual counseling helps people learn more about themselves and what they desire out of their relationship. It often times brings more appreciation for their partners. When the pair comes back together, we are able to push the reset button and begin a new chapter that is more fulfilling and exciting than before.

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Pamela Suraci
Pamela Suraci
Build on your strengths, grow in your challenge areas and improve your life!

That's a tough one.  Would you and your husband be willing to attend couples counseling during the separation?  That would benefit you both.  If you separate and reconcile, what will have changed other than you having time apart?  You will need to gain new skills to enhance and maintain your connection - otherwise you will risk repeating the cycle of disconnect, discontentment and separation.  Please seek help from a therapist trained in couples work to help the two of you find a way either back to each other or gracefully out of the marriage.  Time away will not, by itself, change your relationship into one that can be sustained.   

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

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