Should I get a divorce?
I have cheated on my husband of five years roughly ten times. I pretend we aren't married at my work. Recently, he has caught on, but I lie to cover it. He use to talk to girls online, but I have caught myself constantly having a affair.
Clearly you seem interested in being other people, and you are also concerned about your husband being unfaithful online. But it seems like there is something that keeps you with your husband. And I have so many questions for you: What are you looking for outside of your marriage? Are you willing to give that up if your husband is not able to provide it? Do you want to stay together and make it work? Do you want to open the lines of communication with your husband, so you could analyze the situation together?
I suggest attending couple’s therapy or even couple’s mediation to assess and discuss where you want to go whit your relationship. It will also help to establish healthy lines of communication, where you could express the pros and cons of the relationship, analyze if you are willing to work to stay together, or have some closure and process a separation. I provide a combination of counseling and mediation in couple's therapy, you can call 787466-5478 to make an appointment.
Le he sido infiel a mi esposo al menos diez veces en los últimos cinco años. En el trabajo pretendo que no soy casada. Recientemente se fijo, pero mentí para cubrirlo. El hablaba con mujeres por el internet, pero yo he tenido varias aventuras.
Claramente tu estas interesada en ver a otras personas, y estas preocupada de que tu esposo haya sido infiel. Pero al parecer hay algo que aun sostiene la relación. Tengo varias preguntas para ti: ¿Que estas buscando fuera de tu matrimonio? ¿Estás dispuesta a dejar lo que encuentras fuera del matrimonio, si tu esposo no puede dártelo? ¿Quieres quedarte con él y hacerlo funcionar? ¿Te gustaría abrir las líneas de comunicación con tu esposo, para que puedan analizar su relación?
Les sugiero hacer terapia de pareja o inclusive mediación, para asesar y discutir a donde quieres llegar con tu relación. También les ayudaría a re-establecer líneas de comunicación de manera que puedan expresar los pros y contras de estar juntos, ver si pueden trabajar para mejorar su matrimonio o partir amigablemente. En mi consultorio proveo una combinación de consejería de pareja y mediación, puede llamar al 787-466-5478 para una cita.
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It may be helpful to have this emotionally impactful conversation in the context of couples therapy.
Whether or not you should get a divorce is not the first question that comes to mind for me, but more along the lines of do you want to be together and what kind of relationship do you want to create?
For some people, polyamorous relationships (those involving more than two people) are acceptable. This does not work for everyone, but if each of you agree that that is okay, it may work for you and your husband. If it is something that you are both open to, it is often beneficial to have more than one discussion about the details of what is acceptable for each of you.
If you want to be devoted only to each other, what does that lifestyle look like for each of you? What can you start or stop doing right now to move your relationship in that direction?
Neither of you can make the other partner change. That does not mean you cannot talk about what each of your goals are together and support each other in working toward those goals you have for yourselves.
Sometime having discussions like these is easier when there is a structure and/or someone in the room (like a therapist) who can help keep the conversation on topic and work on having each of you communicate in a way that expresses your wants, wishes, and desires in a way that is not blaming of your partner.
If either of you wants a divorce, that could be part of the discussion. Divorce is not the only choice here, depending upon what each of you wants and is willing to accept, learn, and grow from as it relates to yourself and your partner.
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