My girlfriend is always accusing me of cheating on her when I haven't

Over a year ago I had a female friend. She turned out to be kind of crazy so I decided to stop talking to her. When she would call me I wouldn't answer the phone. This made my girlfriend really suspicious. She would ask me why I wouldn't ever answer that phone number. I told my girlfriend that I don't want to be friends with that other woman, but I don't think she believes me. How can I get my girlfriend to understand?

Tamara Powell
Tamara Powell
Anything But Ordinary!

We women really do tend to struggle with the comparison game. And Hollywood culture hasn't helped with romantic comedies and song lyrics telling us that when a man appears evasive, there's something to worry about. 

It's been my clinical experience though that most women value transparency and security in their relationships. So you might try sharing a little bit more about your history with this woman. For example:

  • Where did you meet her?
  • How long were you friends before you decided to call it quits? 
  • Why don't you want to be friends with her (i.e., what do you mean by "kind of crazy")? I promise this tends to matter to women.
  • Were you ever intimately involved with or even attracted to her?

If your girlfriend can truly see that you view her as the filet mignon to the other woman's hamburger, and that she is your favorite person on the planet and has NOTHING to worry about, she may start to come around.

Now, IF she's more concerned that you might be taking this woman's calls behind your back, while I'm not typically a huge fan of sharing passwords or phone records, you might print them off and highlight this female's number and show your girlfriend that you absolutely are telling the truth.

And if you really want to step it up, I would be intentional about doing all the little things that you know your girlfriend loves that helped make her fall in love with you in the first place (e.g., little love notes for her to find or sweet text messages, buy a rose or her favorite flower, have her car detailed, do the laundry...date nights...you get the idea).  

Bottom line - show your girlfriend why out of all the women on the planet that you could be with, you CHOSE HER.  And would continue to do so all over again.  AND why you love HER as a person.  This will help her trust what you're saying. 

Best of luck to you!  

Tamara Powell, LMHC
The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Sherry Katz, LCSW
Sherry Katz, LCSW
Couples and Family Therapist, LCSW

Do you know why your girlfriend doesn't believe you?

It is strange that your girlfriend prefers you to take the phone call of another woman.

Have you blocked the unwelcome phone calls?

Has your girlfriend said she doesn't believe you or is this your interpretation?

Find out the answer and then ask your girlfriend to tell you her reasons behind her thoughts.

It is much easier to help someone understand a situation if the person is engaged in a conversation.

Whether or not she understands is up to her.

All you can be responsible to do is to offer your explanation, which sounds like you've already substantially offered.

Keep or reintroduce the topic for the two of you to talk about again.

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Lola Georg
Lola Georg
www.GeorgAssociates.com

Open and honest communication can go a long way in situations like yours. Your girlfriend may be suspicious if you don't give her enough information. Answer her questions fully. Ask for her suggestions as to how to handle this female friend. Ask for your girlfriend for help in getting the female friend to understand that you are not interested in continuing the friendship. If you are honest with your friend, your girlfriend will probably feel like you are being honest with her. 

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

Submit your own question

More Answers