Is being mean and fighting with my boyfriend normal after an abortion?

Sherry Katz, LCSW
Sherry Katz, LCSW
Couples and Family Therapist, LCSW

It isn't.

Being mean and fighting suggest the naturally strong emotions associated with the decision to end a pregnancy.

Even the most detailed thought out decision to end a pregnancy, has mixed emotions along with it.

Look within for any emotions which are similar to losing someone with whom you feel close.   This may connect your sense of loss to how you may feel now.

Also, you and your boyfriend can talk together on the subject of how you each feel about the abortion.  This may start a more connecting dialogue.

If either of you do not want to discuss the abortion, then realize the other person may have strong feelings and feelings which are different from each other's to understand, require some quiet time and respect their need to do so.

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room. You are certainly not alone with this question as I’ve heard it many times. When a woman makes the decision to terminate a pregnancy it is never taken lightly. Whatever your reasons are, you are in control of your body and your decisions. With that said, it is a decision with many mixed emotions and anger is one of them. Most importantly, you need to look at that anger and accept it as it appears you are taking out on others. Seeking counseling after a termination is a very helpful thing to do and following up with the agency or physician would be a good idea to seek referrals. I hope this was helpful.
Catherine Hodge
Catherine Hodge
Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Yes, it is completely normal to experience a wide range of emotions after a major loss. Healing can occur in stages. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross proposed the concept of the five stages of grief:

  1. Denial - Unable to believe the reality of the loss.
  2. Anger - Wanting to blame somebody or something, having thoughts like "this isn't fair!" and "why me?"
  3. Bargaining - Hope that you can somehow avoid the cause of grief with a promise to compromise or change.
  4. Depression - Feeling sad, discouraged, and/or hopeless.
  5. Acceptance - Being able to remember with love rather than pain.

The stages are not linear and not everyone experiences all five stages in this order. This 5-stage model is meant to help normalize the grieving process and educate individuals that you have to let yourself feel your way through your grief. It can help to work with a trained professional counselor to guide and support you on your path to healing. ​​

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP
Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP
I tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

Saying that this is a very emotional time for you would be quite the understatement. I would imagine that there are lots of changes in mood and different emotions that you feel about the abortion itself.

Also, there are probably quite a few hormonal changes happening as well.

Is your boyfriend able to provide support through this process?

There is some information here about some of the changes you may be experiencing as well as a link to a place where you may find support groups: http://psychcentral.com/lib/understanding-abortion-grief-and-the-recovery-process/?all=1 

Please realize that if you would like to talk with someone about this, someone is there. There are links at the article above and you can also call a local mental health professional. The link above is meant to link you to some places that are supportive. I would just like to be clear that I respect the decision that you have made and I am looking only to link you to places and people that are supportive of that.

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal, as if you want to hurt or kill yourself or someone else, or are in crisis, call 800-273-8255 (24 hours a day, 7 days a week), call 911, or proceed to your local emergency room.

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