How do I help my 20 year old boyfriend who says he hates his life?
I think adult life is making him depressed and we often sleep in on weekends untill 1 or 2 pm. We just eat, smoke weed, watch movies, and he'll go on his phone all day. He doesn't seem motivated to do much and he's often angry.
I have no clue how to help him take his mind off the negative, or to distract him into a different light. How do I help him?
That's a giant task to have to do all on your own. It's hard to watch someone you care about feel depressed and I'm guessing it brings you down, too.
Change is tricky. Most people need to hit a "rock bottom" before they can transform their lives. Rock bottom is a moving target though--meaning one person's rock bottom could look completely different than someone else's. For some people that's a trip to the hospital, for others it's failing an exam. It's about what brings up enough discomfort (with awareness of why) with the current way of living that not changing would be more painful.
Depression is so hard, but it can also be weirdly comforting. It sucks to feel sad, but at least you know what to expect. He knows that he's going to get high, zone out into his phone, and his anger is probably pretty predictable. On the other hand, change is uncertain.
Is he open to seeing a therapist? Or open to trying anything new with you? If not, that's not your fault nor is it your responsibility. You obviously care, but that doesn't mean it's on you if he doesn't follow through. It seems like maybe he feels some comfort in the daily structure that you described, but even getting out for a walk could help his mindset a bit.
Overall, it's not a guarantee that you can help him, though it is really incredible that you have so much empathy for him. Make sure you are taking care of yourself because you matter, too!
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How do you help yourself to believe you require more than what he offers to you?
What do you get from this relationship which feels satisfying?
To answer this question may in the longterm be the best way to help your bf.
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