How can I be interested in the same sex after nearly 40 years of being straight?
After 40 years of being straight, how could I now find myself interested in people of the same sex? I have had a few same sex encounters of my own doing.
What most people don't know is that sexual preferences can be fluid, meaning our sexual orientation is not as fixed as most people believe. Women in particular tend to be more fluid in their desire to express and experience sex. It is not uncommon for heterosexual women in their mid-life to explore new sexual appetites. That said, men tend to be more rigid in their orientations particularly if they are hetero while gay men tend to be more fluid. So if your distress is over your new interests I would tell you, you are not alone and not abnormal. Since you have started exploring, enjoy and consider seeing a therapist to help you navigate your feelings around this new sexual life! Warm wishes.
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Numerous studies have found that sexuality is fluid and it evolves over time. Sexual orientation is very much a spectrum that one can move around in time. It does not mean there is anything wrong with you or that you necessarily have been hiding "in the closet" all this time. Your sexuality is unique to you. There is nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality as long as everyone is on the same page. I always recommend practicing safe sex too!
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Sexuality is normally formed during adolescence. It would be extremely rare for someone to develop feelings of same-sex attraction later in life. I would explore whether the attraction you are experiencing is sexually-based or intimacy-based. Perhaps you are craving a close, emotionally intimate relationship with the same-sex, but have somehow sexualized that desire. People often short-cut emotional intimacy for sexual intimacy. This would be something to explore with a counselor.
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Few people are actually 100% straight or 100% gay. Sexual preference exists on a continuum. Over the course of many years a person's sexual preference may shift.
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Sexuality is fluid. It is possible to find yourself attracted sexually or affectionally to different types of people at different times in your life.
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During these encounters did you feel safe? accepted? Where you able to experience something new in your life?
It is natural to feel attraction to all people. As young children we love everyone. It was as we got older that the social constructs had us make a "choice". It could have been that you were always attracted to the same sex, but now are allowing yourself to feel and explore. But also know that life is interesting as we grow and mature we find that we like things we never liked before, things we said we would never do now seem appealing.
What is the story you are telling yourself about having these interests? Try to not overthink your attractions. See where they take you. You are on a journey to discover yourself.
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There are many possible answers to your question.
The best one will be the one you decide after reflecting on your own reasoning as to your sexual attraction change.
Sometimes people inhibit their sexuality bc of fear others will disapprove. Currently since in most circles being gay is acceptable, the conditions are much easier now to come out.
Maybe this describes you.
How happy are you in your marriage?
Sometimes people find it easier to discover a sudden change in their sexuality than to face painful emotions in an existing marriage.
These are only two theoretical possibilities and may not even reflect your own.
What matters is your self-discovery and that you trust your findings as the answer to your question.
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