Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
If everyone thinks you're worthless, then maybe you need to find new people to hang out with.
Seriously, the social context in which a person lives is a big influence in self-esteem.
Otherwise, you can go round and round trying to understand why you're not worthless, then go back to the same crowd and be knocked down again.
There are many inspirational messages you can find in social media. Maybe read some of the ones which state that no person is worthless, and that everyone has a good purpose to their life.
Also, since our culture is so saturated with the belief that if someone doesn't feel good about themselves that this is somehow terrible.
Bad feelings are part of living. They are the motivation to remove ourselves from situations and relationships which do us more harm than good.
Bad feelings do feel terrible. Your feeling of worthlessness may be good in the sense of motivating you to find out that you are much better than your feelings today.
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Hello, and thank you for your question and seeking advice on this. Feelings of worthlessness is unfortunately common. In fact, most people, if not all, have felt this to some degree at some point in their life. You are not alone.
Changing our feelings is like changing our thoughts - it's hard to do. Our minds are so amazing that the minute you change your thought another one can be right there to take it's place. Without your permission, another thought can just pop in there. The new thought may feel worse than the last one! My guess is that you have tried several things to improve this on your own even before reaching out on here. People often try thinking positive thoughts, debating with their thoughts, or simply telling themselves that they need to "snap out of it" - which is also a thought that carries some self-criticism.
Some people try a different approach, and there are counselors out there that can help you with this. The idea is that instead of trying to change the thoughts, you change how you respond to them. You learn skills that allow you to manage difficult thoughts and feelings differently so they don't have the same impact on you that they do right now. For some people, they actually DO begin to experience less hurtful thoughts once they learn how to manage the ones they have differently. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy may be a good choice for you.
There is information online and even self-help books that you can use to teach you the skills that I mentioned. Because they are skills, they require practice, but many people have found great relief and an enriched life by learning them.
As for suicidal thoughts, I am very glad to read that this has not happened to you. Still, you should watch out for this because it can be a sign of a worsening depression. If you begin to think about this, it is important to reach out to a support system right away. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. The text line is #741741.
I hope some other colleagues will provide you more suggestions.
Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC
- 3768 views
How we feel is often connected to what we are thinking. If you pay attention to your patterns of thinking (self-defeating thoughts, negative self-talk, etc.) and reframe or replace unhealthy thoughts, you most likely will be able to change how you're feeling, which will also lead to changes in behavior. I support clients in going through this recognize/replace process.
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The sense of being worthless appears to certainly be a limiting belief about yourself that you have been cultivating. One way to transform a limiting belief to a more adaptive and empowering belief would be to explore if there exists any evidence to support the limiting belief about worthlessness. First list all of your personal strengths, or talk with a supportive friend who can give you feedback about the qualities you have that they love about you. You may soon discover that there is little evidence to support your limiting belief. You can also experiment with asking yourself- supposing I believed the opposite of my limiting belief? The theorist, Karen Horney used to say that each individual has a unique universal inner power which represents a fountain of the growth process. I encourage you to tap into that inner power and develop new, empowering ideas about who you truly are.
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You can absolutely change that feeling, which is actually a combination of thoughts and feelings. These types of thoughts are classified as core beliefs because they are typically beliefs about who you are (e.g., I am a bad person, I am unworthy, I am incompetent, etc.). Shame is a cluster of feelings that accompanies these beliefs (a combination of self-hatred, sadness, disgust, and guilt).
Although you can't make them go away completely, you can definitely shrink them. These beliefs have actual neural pathways in the brain--the more you travel these pathways, the stronger the belief. One way to fight these is by creating strengthening neural pathways that lay more dormant, such as beliefs that you are lovable, worthy, and deserve to be alive. Even if you don't believe these thoughts, thinking them creates competition with the core beliefs you want to change. The more you travel the new neural pathways, the stronger they will get over time.
I understand this can take time and feel really tough to do. Something you can do to deal with your feelings in a more short-term way is to focus improving your sleep. As you are probably experiencing, lack of sleep can contribute to worsened depression. Your primary doctor may be able to help with your specific sleep issues but there are some ways you can work on sleep on your own.
Something you can try is writing down the worries or thoughts you have before you lay down for the night. This can help the brain to feel less inclined to ruminate as your paper/journal holds the thoughts for you. It also helps to have a nightly routine that stays the same every night. This tells your brain to start producing chemicals that induce sleep, just like going into a restroom can signal the body to urinate. If you find yourself lying awake in bed or waking in the night, leave the room and do something calming/relaxing if you are awake for more than 10-15 minutes. It can be tough to change your body's relationship to sleep, so give it time--it can take a few weeks to really notice changes.
One of the best strategies we have for dealing with depressive symptoms is behavioral activation. That could mean socialization, exercise, or anything that gets you doing an activity you wouldn't normally do. If exercise seems too intimidating or unrealistic, you can just view it as movement--anything that gets you up and moving. Taking walks outside, gardening, cleaning, etc. can count as movement. It's easy to surrender to the lack of energy, but that also keeps the cycle of depression alive.
Medications can help as well if you feel like you need something beyond what you can do for yourself at the moment. Antidepressants are great options for depressive symptoms. Research shows that combining psychotherapy with antidepressants can have really effective outcomes.
I'm unsure if your sentence about not contemplating to attempting suicide means you don't feel that way now or that things are moving in that direction. If they are, make note of your social supports and who you would be willing to reach out to. If you have someone you are comfortable (enough) to let them know what you are going through, it may be worth your effort to have them plan to check in on you. You can also contact the Hopeline by texting HOPE to 741741 or the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.
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Hello and thank you for your question. In my work with clients who are experiencing depression due to low self-esteem, it is not uncommon to experience the myriad of symptoms that you are having. You have already taken the first step toward change by acknowledging that it needs to occur so congratulate yourself. One way to begin to change your feeling of being worthless to everyone is to change your "self-talk". You may have learned this negative language (ex. use of absolutes like always, never, all the time, everyone, and no one) throughout your life and being mindful of this language and being specific (ex. at times, some times, etc.), can help lessen the feeling of being "worthless." Another step to remedy this is to learn ways to become more compassionate with yourself. Attending a support group could help with learning self=compassion. Joining a support group could also help you see that you are not alone in how you feel, thus helping you to feel less isolated and less uncommon. Lastly, seek out professional assistance from a therapist, counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist, etc. Some insurances are waiving co-pays (depending on your plan eligibility and benefits) during the COVID-19 epidemic and if you do not have insurance, try out OpenPath.org. They offer low cost online (telehealth) counseling to those who are in need of it. Remember, you are NOT alone. This feeling is all too common, but with the right help, support, encouragement, and resources, you can turn this feeling of "worthlessness" into a feeling of "worthiness". Best wishes.
Valerie Kuykendall-Rogers, MA, LPC-S
- 47 views
First thing I'd suggest is getting the sleep you need or it will impact how you think and feel. I'd look at finding what is going well in your life and what you can be grateful for. I believe everyone has talents and wants to find their purpose in life. I think you can figure it out with some help.
- 49 views
Therapy is essential for those that are feeling depressed and worthless. When I work with those that are experiencing concerns related to feeling of depression and issues with self esteem. I generally work with my client to help build coping skills to reduce level of depression and to assist with strengthening self esteem, by guiding my client with CBT practices. CBT helps with gaining a better awareness of how your thought process influences your belief system, and how your beliefs impact your actions and the outcome of your behaviors. This process isn’t easy but it helps teach an individual that we don’t always have control over what happens in our lives but we can control how we interpret, feel, and behave. CBT is good for individuals dealing with depression, anxiety, toxic relationships, stress, self esteem, codependency, etc.
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I first want to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings and there is always someone there to help. You can always change your feelings and change your way of thinking by being open to trying to change. You can always make yourself available to learning new things or volunteering so that you can make a purpose for yourself.
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Heck, sure thing, hun!
Feelings of 'depression' have a deeply-rooted base in physical structures that may not be functioning very well at present; and, we can certainly turn them on again using means that you are able to find around the house and with relative ease :)
After that, emotional and spiritual support will be liberally applied.
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You are exhibiting some specific traits of a particular temperament type. Seek out a counselor who provides NCCA temperament therapy and discover the joy of being you -- God loves you as you are!
- 52 views
That is intense. Depression is a liar. Sometimes depression places these glasses over our eyes, these dark sunglasses that change how we see things.
Depression tells us things like "you're worthless" "no one likes you" "don't worry about doing anything." And it is so easy for us to listen and to be tricked into thinking that just because we feel something means it is true. Please know that even if you are feeling worthless right now, that doesn't mean you are worthless.
The first step to working through this is recognizing what is going on. Recognizing when depression is telling you the same story (ie; being worthless) with different words (ie worthless here, worthless there) and making an effort to talk back.
While I can not give you a diagnosis of depression, reading what you are going through, it sounds like you might need help to get back on track. Seeing a counselor can open an entirely new option up wherein someone who is not involved in your life can help you without judgement and with an objective perspective. This can do wonders in unwrapping these kinds of thoughts. Wishing you the absolute best!
- 35 views
It sounds like you may be putting yourself last. You wrote that you want to fix your issues but never get around to it. I wonder how you are spending your mental and physical energy. Are you spending time taking care of and doing for others? I also wonder where the thoughts and feelings of being worthless are coming from - are you around people who treat you poorly or are hurtful? Or do you feel it is more of a worry you have but aren't really sure how others feel? It may be helpful to talk to someone about your feelings - a counselor perhaps - to clarify your feelings and move forward from se that are hurting you.
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People who feel worthless were, in one way or another, were told that they are worthless. This is the lie that they are living with. The work of therapy is to help people see their true good selves. This gives them self esteem.
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I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this intense emotion of worthlessness. I'm glad to hear this has not reached the point of suicidal ideation; however, it does sounds like you could use some additional support right now. I would recommend seeking out counseling to help you challenge the negative beliefs you have about yourself. Although many types of therapy would be helpful, cognitive-behavioral therapy has been shown to be a good approach for this type of struggle. A CBT therapist can help you identify your negative thoughts and beliefs, figure out the ways your thoughts are being distorted (for example, all-or-nothing thinking, or discounting the positives about yourself), and reframe your thoughts to be more positive. You might also consider EMDR therapy, which helps the brain reprocess traumatic or distressing memories and helps you move forward with more positive beliefs about yourself. Best wishes!
- 42 views
It sounds like you may be struggling with depression. Depression can make you feel overwhelmed and paralyzed to change. I would suggest that you connect with a provider who can help you get to the root of where the worthlessness is coming from and help you develop a plan for recovery. In the meantime, small steps can go a long way. Self-care interventions such as journaling your feelings, mindfulness meditation, and regular exercise are all helpful to reconnecting with the present moment and gaining internal motivation. Focusing on one day at a time and bringing your thoughts back to the present can also be beneficial. There is hope!
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I'm glad you are interested in changing your feelings of worthlessness. Visiting your doctor is a great first step to address your lack of sleep. First, you want to make sure that you are physically healthy and that there isn't a physical condition causing your problem with sleep.
Changing your feelings is something that is difficult to do, especially on your own. Make sure that you have someone you can trust and you can talk to about how you feel. This can be a friend or a family member. If you find that there isn't anyone you would feel comfortable talking to about this issue, find a therapist close to you who can help.
One activity that people have found helpful in feeling better about themselves is keeping a gratitude journal. You can do this by journaling daily about the things that you are grateful for. There is no right or wrong way of doing this, as long as you focus your journal entries on the things you are grateful for in life.
- 110 views
You have several things going on here. The sleep should be addressed with a primary care physician to rule out any physical issues. Sleep is the big reset and allows us to function in the day. What happens during a depression is that our thoughts race and it is as though our “brain won’t shut off.” Medication can help with this. I also use a Pranayama yoga breathing technique called the four fold breath which has great usefulness for relaxing us and often does work quite well with allowing us to sleep.. You can read about it here: https://billleavitttherapy.com/breathing-techniques-the-four-fold-breath/
Your thoughts on feeling worthless to everyone fall under a heading of thinking error in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) known as overgeneralization. In CBT thoughts lead to emotions, so we are going to pick the statement apart and then reframe it.
First list the evidence that contradicts the thought. Has anyone in the past made positive comments toward you? This might be hard to recall if we are in a rut, but at some point in life we frequently have had some positives expressed towards us by others. “Everyone” is an absolute. The specifics on why you are thinking this need to be addressed. How are you arriving at this conclusion? There may be specific people that we want more validation from. Or specific people might have made offhand hurtful comments, (such as a family member, teacher or co-worker) but if I extrapolate that to a global and think that everyone thinks I am worthless, that thought is not rooted in facts.
What are the Pros and Cons of thinking this way? What are the Benefits and Costs? There are very little pros or benefits to thinking this way. It’s just going to continue to tear you down and make you feel bad. So can we reframe the thought about the situation? Is there another way of looking at the situation? Again, we need the specifics on how you are arriving at this conclusion, and a one on one therapist can definitely help you with this, but the thinking that you are using to arrive at the conclusion needs to be re-cast into a more helpful mindset.
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Hello, you sound like you have so much on your mind! I am relieved to hear that you have never tried or have contemplated suicide, but not being able to sleep, feeling worthless, and like you shouldn't be here are big issues that need addressing.
Please get around to counseling. Having someone to listen to you is a gift to yourself. You deserve the help of someone helping you change your feelings of worthlessness. You have not been able to do this alone. It's time to reach out for help. You can do this! Best to you!
- 103 views
It sounds like you are having some pretty severe depression. Depression can cause insomnia, and make a person focus on their own perceptions that they are "worthless". It is important to remember that other people may not truly perceive you as worthless. This is the depression talking. I think that it is extremely important when you are this depressed, to sit down and write down some positives about yourself. What are your strengths? What are some positive things that your have done in your life? It concerns me that you are having suicidal thoughts. It sounds like now is the time to act on the idea of getting some help for yourself. If you feel like you might actually take your life, I would recommend that you go to a hospital emergency room, or a mental health crisis clinic right away to get some help. The most important thing right now is to keep yourself safe. If you are feeling like you are not going to hurt yourself despite your suicidal thoughts, I would recommend that you focus on finding a therapist as soon as possible. I don't know what your situation is in terms of insurance. The back of your insurance card should inform you how to obtain mental health services. There are also low cost services available with such places as Catholic Charities, and others. Your local county mental health agency should be able to refer you to some appropriate places. Good luck. Remember to identify your strengths, and the good things about yourself. Marie
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You can, for sure... and the first step is to believe you are worthy TO YOURSELF. Recognizing you are in a quest is already a big first step. Taking the time to start figuring out who you are is definitely the next... do so with SELF COMPASSION and kindness. Know this is a process and just look forward for what you might find. I do recommend you find someone to talk to (there are many options out there that can fit the situation you are in), and I also recommend you start by giving yourself the importance to invest some time and effort in this quest. YOU DESERVE IT. There are some excellent TED Talks you can google, great books you can read, or even joining a yoga practice, team or some kind of hobby may help. Anything that shows yourself you are worthy of this effort. Have patience and start!!!! the answer is out there waiting for you. Asking these questions already set you on the right path.
- 67 views
Oftentimes we can change our feelings about ourselves by building a better relationship with ourself. It sounds like there is a very critical aspect of your self that is alive and taking over. Sometimes when we are stuck it is because a part of ourselves, a way that perhaps we learned to cope with difficult situations earlier in our lives, has decided to run the show. Like a highly critical part that may actually be desperately attempting to protect us from a past hurt.
Slowing down and even forming a relationship with this critical internal part will help you get some space from it. When we can begin to observe parts of ourselves, be curious about them, get to know them like a new friend, then we have room for other ways of being. Beginning therapy could be a great way to change this feeling of worthlessness. Beginning to build a better relationship and understanding of yourself will deeply influence the relationships around you. This first step may feel hard, to reach out to someone, and it could be the beginning step to a path of radically shifting your relationship with yourself and others in your life.
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Feelings of worthlessness often originate from what you learned about yourself when you were young. Improving your self esteem needs focus on that original message from parents, teachers or siblings that may be suppressed. Most of us need help to uncover the "lie" because you were born valuable!
- 157 views
The feeling of being worthless is caused by your inside being not matching your outside result. Your comparison to others and you thinking you need to be someone other than who you are. You are not worthless. No one is worthless. You need to find your worth and not let yourself talk yourself out of the good you find in yourself. I hope these words resonate with you and that you start looking for your worth even if it’s as simple as I am able to get out of bed and call someone and make a joke.
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Hi there, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Let me see if I can guide you in the right direction. Often when I talk to my clients about feelings of worthlessness we start with a little bit of self-exploration. We start with noticing. Start to notice when these feelings come up for you. Is there a particular time
of day, a specific person who brings it out, a phrase you hear? Just
start to notice. Usually it's tied to something but it may take a while to figure out what that something/someone is. Try to be patient.
Next we start to explore. When did these feelings start? Where do you think they come from? Is there something - a statement - perhaps that repeats in your head over and over again? If so, whose voice is it? These are difficult questions, and just a few of them, so take your time answering them. (We usually do it over a few sessions.) It might even be helpful to write them down somewhere. If you have a journal that would be a great place as research has shown that our brain works differently when we put pen to paper versus typing on a computer.
Now comes the good news. Our brains are able to rewire themselves. This allows us to change habits we don't want as well as statements we say to ourselves that are no longer serving us.
The next step is to select an ally. Someone who is or has been in your corner, someone who is always rooting for you. If you don't have someone like that, that's ok - a lot of us don't - you can just make someone up. Close your eyes and try to describe that person in great detail from the way they look to the way they act to the way they sound. Now, pick a phrase you would like that person to say to you whenever you start to think that you're worthless. Something that will help you feel better about yourself - a characteristic, a skill, a great joke you tell, a physical attribute. This also takes time and may involve you asking for help from someone who knows you.
Once you have all of that together - the noticing, answers from where these feelings and statement(s) come from, your ally, your new statement, you can try to put it altogether. When the feelings come up, notice what is bringing them up and then call upon your ally to try to change the statement in your head from the self-defeating one to the more positive, uplifting one.
I hope this was helpful. Again, I do this with my clients over quite a few weeks, if not months, and I am there with them the whole time. It is quite an involved process and can bring up a lot of very difficult feeling/memories. If at any point you find it too hard to go at alone, please seek help. If you take anything away from this reply, know that there is help out there and that it is possible to change the way you feel.
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I am sorry you are feeling this way. We all have narratives that we say to ourselves whether it is valid or not. In your case it would be beneficial to explore when and how this belief began and rewrite your story. There are different ways to explore and rewrite. This process requires commitment, self-reflection and courage.
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