Why won’t my boyfriend for almost two years talk about our future together when he says he’s in love with me?

Pamela Griggs
Pamela Griggs
Licensed Professional Counselor
There are a few possibilities that might be keeping your boyfriend from talking about the future, but the best way to find out for certain is to ask him.  If your desire is to have a permanent relationship with your boyfriend, two years should be plenty of time for him to determine whether or not he also wants this and if not yet, he should be able to give you a reason why. 

People who drag their feet in the area of commitment sometimes do so because they fear commitment itself and the thought of permanency is terrifying to them.  Such fears might be grounded in past failed relationships, past history of abuse or neglect,  or just pure selfishness and a related fear of what they might have to give up in a relationship. 

Another common reason for people to avoid talking about permanency is because there are things in the relationship that they feel may need to change before the relationship becomes more committed.  Financial and career issues are common reasons for postponing commitment.  Other issues may have to do with taking care of other family responsibilities such as raising children from previous relationships. 

The most important thing to remember I think in managing your own feelings in this relationship is that you have the right to ask questions and to have a conversation about your future.  You are part of this relationship and you deserve to know what types of barriers are there that prevent this relationship from becoming permanent.  True love needs to be grounded in truth. 

Good luck to you!  
The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

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