How can I stop letting things that happened in my past ruin my current relationship?

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he says I stress him out with me not trusting him and always accusing him of things. It hit me that I still hold on to every bad thing my mother has ever said to me and everything that anyone has ever done to me. I act as if he's going to do it too.

Sherry Katz, LCSW
Sherry Katz, LCSW
Couples and Family Therapist, LCSW

The relationship history with your mother was probably quite painful and left emotional hesitation to avoid similar dynamics with others.

If you haven't done so already, then tell your bf about the difficulties you had with your mother, and ask him to be sensitive to not trusting easily.

The two of you can collaborate in creating more security in relating to him.   Maybe he can tell you sooner about particular times he feels frustrated.

Then you will know and be able to address your own sore points and by handling these differently than through the years with your mom, toward your bf.

Your process of feeling and thinking in terms familiar from your growing up years, is normal.   Each of us is this way.

The difference is you know and would be willing to develop new patterns of relating to someone which is based on more care and trust than you knew growing up.

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

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