Why am I experiencing dfficulty maintaining an erection?

A few years ago I was making love to my wife when for no known reason I lost my erection,

Now I'm In my early 30s and my problem has become more and more frequent. This is causing major problems for my ego and it's diminishing my self esteem. This has resulted in ongoing depression and tearing apart my marriage.

I am devastated and cannot find a cause for these issues. I am very attracted to my wife and want to express it in the bedroom like I used to.

What could be causing this, and what can I do about it?

Brandon Coussens
Brandon Coussens
Couples Counseling, Premarital Counseling and Sex Therapy

Most men believe that getting an erection is just a given. However, research shows that men, even in their 20's and 30's can start to lose an erection sometimes. Unfortunately, what tends to happen is that men don't know this and become extremely upset and fearful after losing an erection because they don't know that it is normal and happens sometimes. 

Anxiety, depression and stress are the biggest culprits to losing erections at an early age. Anxiety or nervousness constricts the blood vessels, decreasing the amount of blood flow to the penis, thus diminishing an erection. 

Other reasons may be possible also, especially, when this first happened. My assumption would be that anxiety and fear of being able to keep your erection is contributing to continued difficulty with erections, but the initial cause would need to be explored more deeply.

Initial causes of losing an erection could be many things. Anxiety, depression, stress, tiredness, or any negative emotion can cause you to lose your arousal and thus lose an erection. Also, I would encourage you to make sure that you see a doctor to check off that their are no medical concerns. Diabetes or weight issues might contribute to the loss of erection and so can other medical concerns. 

If it is causing relationship difficulties, the last thing you and your wife need to do is argue about it or get angry or frustrated with each other. I would encourage marriage counseling to make sure your relationship and COMMUNICATION is strong, especially around the topic of sex. I good sex therapist can probably assess what the initial contributing factor could be. A doctor to do a full medical check-up to make sure there are no physical issues (especially testosterone levels). 

Finally, one thing I encourage is to get back to the basics. Make sure your relationship is strong, keep excitement and dating and spontaneity a large part of your relationship. Bring enjoyment back into your relationship everyday. And, don't stress about the erection. Focus more on ENJOYING your wife, her body, and the all the experiences that come with "MAKING LOVE" to her. I have known men that can't get an erection, but still enjoy sex with their wife. 

With that said, if their are no physical concerns, then it is all in your head. So, learning how to relax and ENJOY the action is key!

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

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