I want to make my own decisions

I have a mother who is still running my life even though I'm almost 30 years old. I want to move out and live my own life, but it feels like as long as I do what my mom wants our relationship is okay. It's never okay if I don't do what she wants.

I don't know how to start making my own decisions and not worry about whether it's right in her eyes. Would it help for me to talk to someone about this?

Sherry Katz, LCSW
Sherry Katz, LCSW
Couples and Family Therapist, LCSW

If the only way the relationship you have with your mother feels "okay" is when she is the only one who makes decisions concerning your life, then this only seems ok.

In fact it is not okay for one person to be the authority for another person unless the one for whom this is being done, does not have their own ability to think for themselves.

Separating your own wishes and way of handling life matters, from your mother's point of view, may be difficult.

First, realize you need to get familiar with feeling at ease with the idea of deciding matters for yourself.

You'll need practice until you feel comfortable.

Unless, if you've been thinking through decisions you'd like to make and the idea of your mother's anger is the only point which stopped you, then you may almost instantly start living in a liberated way of running your own life.

Basically, it is right and fair for you to have the chance to live your life the way you feel is best.   

Be prepared that your mother may disagree with you and that her disagreement is not a reason itself to not do what you believe is in your best interest.

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

View 1 other answer

More Answers