My ex-boyfriend say we're finished but still acts like we aren't

I've been with a man for four years. For the last year, he has said he is done, but he still talks, texts, visits, and has not moved on with anyone else. His words do not match his actions. I love this man, but it's hurting so much.

Pamela Suraci
Pamela Suraci
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If I understand you correctly, this "maybe-boyfriend" has done a partial break up, and wants to maintain a partial relationship.  Is that ok with you?  And, if it is, what does it cost you?  He says he's "done" but still wants the connection.  That seems to leave him free to explore other options, but it doesn't allow you to do the same.  

Break ups are painful, and I know you'd like to avoid that.  I get it that you feel attached to him - you have been in a relationship with him for 4 years, so that makes sense.  However, loving him appears to be costing you a lot, without much in return. 

If you wait for him to define what he wants, you could be on hold for a long time.

Please don't wait another year to advocate for yourself.  See a therapist who can help you figure out what you need out of relationships and why you have allowed yourself to be on "pause".   It is possible that once you get clear, you will be able to have a true relationship with him.  If not, please don't settle for this.  

Take good care of yourself.  

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

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