Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend?

I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago.

Why this is happening and what can I do about it?

Brandon Coussens
Brandon Coussens
Couples Counseling, Premarital Counseling and Sex Therapy

I want to be short and brief about this. First, If you can achieve a good erection at anytime without your girlfriend, your penis is fine. However, erections work through getting enough blood flow to the penis. If you are having any sort of mental related concern (anxiety, depression, stress, etc) it can cause your blood vessels to constrict and keep your penis from becoming erect. After reading your concerns, my questions would be: What are you thinking about right before and during sex?" "Do you feel anxious or nervous during that time?" Have you ever experienced not getting an erection before?" 

I am assuming it has do to with what you are thinking and their is a certain amount of anxiety you are having during or right before sex. 

If you want to work this out, I would encourage you to work on your thought process and learn to relax your mind and your body (meditation/relaxation exercises). Focus more on enjoying the experience through your 5 senses. What do you smell, take it in and enjoy it. What do you hear, take it in and enjoy it. What do you see, take it in and enjoy it. What do you feel, take it in and enjoy it. 

Calm yourself! Not having an erection is not the end of the world and happens all the time to men. If you freak out about it, it will happen more. Just relax, believe it is normal and try again and ENJOY the beauty in front of you!

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

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