How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex?

My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.

Brandon Coussens
Brandon Coussens
Couples Counseling, Premarital Counseling and Sex Therapy

I am sorry that you are struggling with this! I would love to help. I have a few questions first and I know you can't answer back unless you contact me. Do you use birth control? Is there pain during sex? Have you had sexual experiences before your husband? Have you ever experienced sexual abuse or trauma? Has their been any negative sexual experiences between you and your husband? Did you grow up in a Christian home? 

When you say you have low sex drive or you don't know what you are doing:

Do you ever think about sex? Do you ever have the urge or desire? When ya'll have had sex, do you both enjoy it? Do you enjoy it? What are your priorities? Is your relationship good? Did you have sex before marriage and how much? Wow... So, it is hard to answer this question without knowing more information. 

I want you to be better connected with your husband too. If you don't want to seek other help, my best advice would be to intentionally initiate sex once per week, whether you feel like it or not. If something hurts, don't do it. Begin talking about sex regularly. Read more books on sex and build a knowledge about sex. 

I can give you some good resources if you would like. Please don't give up, but please work on this soon!

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

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