How can I deal with a “crush” in a relationship?

I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for just over a year. This past week she admitted to me that she has feelings for another guy. She says it’s “just a crush” but I don't know how to cope with it.

How should I deal with this?

Zofia Czajkowska, PhD OPQ
Zofia Czajkowska, PhD OPQ
Psychologist in Montreal

Hi! It sounds like you are stuck in a difficult place. You do not want to appear to jealous and yet, it's hard not to be, when you hear about "the crush". It's only natural to feel a little insecure and you're doing a great job by asking how to cope better. First of all, long-distance relationships are very hard. Is this situation likely to continue for a long period of time? The old adage that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" simply isn't true. It requires a lot of work to keep the fire burning. Are you, guys, talking to each other a lot? Visiting each other relatively often? Making common plans for those visits or your future together? Do you manage to have fun together, despite the distance (e.g., laugh on the phone, have "shared" experiences such as watching a movie simultaneously at your different locations, perhaps having phone sex)? All of the above are good ways to ensure that your bond stays strong and there will be less space left for interest in other people. Based on the fact that  your girlfriend told you about the crush t I would guess that she thinks it's innocent enough - nothing too threatening. Try to talk to her about your feelings and brainstorm together ways you can increase your intimacy, which will likely improve your sense of security in the relationship but also help her get over the crush. Good luck! Zofia

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

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