My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back?

There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.

I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.

Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.

How can I get my life back?

Brandon Shurn
Brandon Shurn
Here to EmPower You
First, let me congratulate you on being brave enough to post this question. Many have said this to you and I concur with them. 

In response to your question, I would say that learning to integrate the traumatic experience is going to be key. It is good that there is awareness of the issue, because prior to the awareness, you might have found that you were only addressing the things that appeared on the surface. I'm sure integrating something that was most likely unpleasant might sound odd, but without the proper integration of the experience, you might continue to experience that part of you as foreign. To start this process I offer the following thought "while you cannot control how life happens to you (the traumatic experience at age-8), you can control how you happen to life (the things you do in response to the experience)." 

Putting more straightforward, part of getting your life back is not focusing on the past traumatic experience. This is because no amount of focus is going to change what happened (remember life happens to us and we cannot control that). What you will want to begin doing is pulling the trauma into the present and examining it in the here and now. 

What this looks like is not referring to it as a past event (this has happened to me, or I'm pushing this person away because of what happened to me), but rather this is happening now (in this case, I'm pushing away a loving and caring man because this is how I keep myself safe, but I'm going to pull him close). You will open yourself up to having different experiences with people.

I hope this helps you.
The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

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