How would I know if I have the right therapist?

Finding "the right therapist" is about both feel and fit.  A skilled therapist should be at a minimum 2 things:  

• An accurate mirror
• A good explanatory voice

As an "accurate mirror", he or she should be able to help you clarify your thoughts, feelings, values, etc - helping you gain perspective on relationships in your life, as well as a greater depth of self-awareness.

As "an explanatory voice", a knowledgeable, well trained therapist should be able to help you understand your troubles or past emotional injuries in such a way that shame, blame, resentment or excessive guilt no longer interfere with you facing life challenges successfully.

But more than these qualities, a skillful therapist, should be able to coach you in improving your capacity for self-regulation and help you develop greater resilience within.  While at the same time, he/she should be a kind observer, rooting for you along the way as you develop the needed skillfulness to eventually no longer need this therapist along your side.

A good therapist will not need to be "trained" to give you what you need in treatment.  Within the very first session, you should have a sense - a feeling of being felt, seen, and heard.  By and large, I believe this to be the most important determining factor in choosing a therapist that is the right fit for you.

And last but not least - Trust your instinct and listen to your gut.  A good therapist will continue to give you reason to entrust your emotional wellness to their care.

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