My husband was lying about drinking again

My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted the beers in the fridge and four of them were missing. He admitted and apologized and promised he wouldn't do it again. Lately, my husband has been drinking on and off, but I noticed it was every single night. I didn't like this. For our New Year’s resolution, we decided we were going to limit our alcohol consumption. He was on board—no more drinking every night.

The other night, I counted the beers in the fridge just to see if some were missing. It took a couple of days, but tonight, I discovered a few were missing along with a shot of vodka. He was passed out on the couch when I decided to wake him up and confront him (poor timing, but I couldn't wait). I asked him if he'd come to bed with me (when he drinks, he snores and I cannot sleep—it's a dead giveaway he's been drinking). He slurred a bit and said no. I asked if he had been drinking, but he snapped and said no. I went into our room to sleep, leaving him on the couch.

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. I just feel like I'm so honest with him about everything, and I expect the same honesty. He is a good husband in every other regard.

Sherry Katz, LCSW
Sherry Katz, LCSW
Couples and Family Therapist, LCSW

As exasperated as you feel, and as obvious it is to you that your husband cares more about drinking than being honest with you, changing this is up to him.

Does he care that you're upset with him for drinking more than he can handle?

Does he care about you more than drinking?

Living with an alcoholic, which is how his behavior sounds, is lonely and frustrating.

Concentrate on what you like about him as he is now with his drinking.

Your happiness matters.  His ignoring of what you're talking about, doesn't mean your requests are unreasonable.

Be prepared to learn to live with and accept how he behaves, or not.

Avoid the expectation that you can convince him to change.

People change only when they realize their life can improve by changing.  He doesn't sound like this, at least now.

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

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