How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?

My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.

His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

Kellie Spear, LCMHC, LMFT
Kellie Spear, LCMHC, LMFT
Compassionate online support & encouragement

Although it is difficult to move forward from past regrets, it is important for the health of your relationship that you find a way to reconcile this. A conversation with your fiance that focuses on what is good in your relationship and what makes it worth fighting for can help as a launching point for digging into the wounds from past choices/decisions. You cannot undo what has been done, and if both of you have past regrets let this be something that you begin to share with one another in a spirit of transparency. 

Healing begins when you can be honest with one another about your feelings and ask one another what is needed to move forward. If you are part of a church seek fellowship with other believers who will support you individually and as a couple.  Reflect back on what your Christian background taught about God's forgiveness, what does that mean to you and to your fiance? 

Trust and commitment are essential in any dating/marital relationship. If your fiance is feeling insecure as a result of your past, help him to feel more secure by ensuring him of your love and commitment to him and the relationship.  Consider pre-marital counseling as well if you have not already done so. It will give you and your fiance a safe place to process this further and build a solid foundation for your relationship as you move towards marriage. I hope that you and your fiance will find healing as you work through this and God's peace in your future together.

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide.   If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

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