Should I end it?

How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Minal Nebhnani
Minal Nebhnani
Discover Your Best Self!

Hi there, that's a big question and really something no one can answer except you. Here are some things to consider to help you make your decision.

What is leading you to ask the question? Has something happened recently or repeatedly that is making you question your relationship? If so, what is it. Can you rank it on a scale from 1-10, 1 being not a big deal and 10 being a deal breaker. What are your deal breakers and has he violated any of them? What are your reasons for being with him? How would you feel without him? How does he make you feel on a daily basis? Is there any abuse in the relationship (physical, emotional, psychological)? - if the answer to this question is yes - please seek immediate help.

In addition to thinking about your relationship on your own, have you talked with your boyfriend about how you're feeling? If it is safe to do so, honest, open communication might help you get some more clarity. You don't have to say "I'm thinking about breaking up with you," but you can say something along the lines of, "I'm having some doubts about our relationship. Can we talk about us?" If you want to stay with him, maybe you can work on your relationship together? Going to couples counseling could also be an option for you.

If you decide that the relationship is not working, think about how you would like to be broken up with and if possible, try to come from a place of kindness and understanding.  

As always, I'm happy to provide more guidance if you'd like. Good luck with you decision.

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Siena Blanco, MS LCPC
Siena Blanco, MS LCPC
Be transformed by the renewing of your mind...
That you are questioning if you should end your relationship with your boyfriend tells me that you are unhappy with him. Spend sometime by yourself exploring the reasons for that unhappiness. Are these things likely to change or not? 
The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
David Klein
David Klein
Humanistic Psychotherapy for Individuals & Couples

Without knowing the details, it would be very difficult to say! But, that's also the point of my response. Because even with the details, it's very hard to say, as no one is experiencing the relationship in your shoes, except for you. It might be helpful to process this in therapy, or with your boyfriend directly and voice your concerns about the relationship. In any successful relationship, the research has shown that openness in communication is vital.

That all being said, I would also add, with a lot of curiosity...if you have to ask the question, does that say something about what you feel is the quality of the relationship?

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Sherry Katz, LCSW
Sherry Katz, LCSW
Couples and Family Therapist, LCSW

If you're asking the question, then probably you are pretty close to ending your relationship.

Make a list of what you don't like and then decide whether you'd like to tell these topics to your boyfriend as a discussion about your relationship.

He may have similar feelings and together the two of you may figure out new ways to be loving with each other.

If you've presented your needs and no change results, then ask yourself if you can be happy with him, given what you now realize about him and your feelings.

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.

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