How can I deal with a break up?

My fiancé and I broke up. He cheated on me numerous times. I kept forgiving but questioning his every move. He got tired and left.

Sherry Katz, LCSW
Sherry Katz, LCSW
Couples and Family Therapist, LCSW

Cheating on you shows a lack of commitment, in addition to the emotional hurt it creates.

Probably you didn't actually forgive him because if you did, then you wouldn't have been asking questions of his every move.

Maybe you were open to forgiving him.   In order for forgiveness to be effective, the person who has done the injuring must first show some understanding and empathy for the great pain the person caused in you.

From what you write, your fiancé didn't seem to have much interest in earning back your trust or in empathizing with the way his cheating effected you.

It is very likely his tiredness is also tiredness you feel, of having to watch him all the time.

As uncomfortable as adjusting with the disappointment of him leaving you, the situation you describe sounds like it was unsatisfying for both of you.

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Sobha Vakhariya
Sobha Vakhariya
Oakland County Psychotherapist

if he as cheated on you multiple times it is not healthy for you to continue seeing him.  However It takes time to heal your pain. You are not a robot that can just switch off your emotions.  Please surround yourself with people who can support and empower you. 

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal or are in crisis, call 911 or proceed to your local emergency room.
Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP
Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP
I tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

There is a grieving process after losing a relationship (or any other major loss, such as a job, a house, etc.). One of the things to consider is give yourself a chance to go through the tasks of mourning:

  1. To accept the reality of the loss
  2. To process the pain of grief
  3. To adjust to a world without the person who has just left
  4. To find an enduring connection with that person in the midst of embarking on a new life. This could mean a lot of things, but it could be holding certain memories as your own.

You may also find things that make you feel happy or comfortable. It's also helpful to have people who you can talk to about your feelings and people who may be able to recognize things about you that you cannot see right now (such as how you are honest, committed to your work, a good listener, etc.).

This takes some time. Try to be gentle with yourself.

The information above is intended as general information...  (more)The information above is intended as general information based on minimal information, and does not constitute health care advice. This information does not constitute communication with a counselor/therapist nor does it create a therapist-client relationship nor any of the privileges that relationship may provide. If you are currently feeling suicidal, as if you want to hurt or kill yourself or someone else, or are in crisis, call 800-273-8255 (24 hours a day, 7 days a week), call 911, or proceed to your local emergency room.

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